Day One: A New Beginning

 Well, here we are. 240 pounds of blubber - I've lost 20 pounds since January (it's now July), but I've put 10 pounds back on in the last month. 

I'm going to try really hard to be real, and honest with this blog. I'm fantastic at lying to myself and telling myself "I'm fine!" until I believe it, but I'm not fine. 

I hate my body. I hate being trapped in this giant bag of flesh that I can't escape. I hate that I can't walk down to the end of my very short driveway or go up the stairs in my house with out gasping for breath. I hate that I am incredibly petty and I hate that my sister is skinner than me - I hate being jealous about something so incredibly stupid! But, I'm trying to be honest here, and that is the real, raw truth. It took my sister doing something about her weight (which was always healthy in my opinion but I'm not her doctor) and really being happy and comfortable in her skin to make me take a really hard look at my self. I don't like that about myself. At all.

So. I took the plunge and paid a small fortune to start the Optavia program. (Honestly, it wasn't that expensive - it just seemed like it because it's $400 in one shot versus $100 a week that I'm ALREADY SPENDING anyway). I've been waffling, and putting Patti off for MONTHS. Why? I've had the money, but I didn't have the courage.

It takes courage to make a change - and I didn't have it. I don't like that about myself either. I've never been a coward or afraid of doing the hard things. Why am I so afraid of doing this for myself? 

I had a doctor appointment a couple of months ago, and my labs were....not good. My cholesterol is super high, my blood sugars leave me firmly in the pre-diabetic range, I'm obviously overweight, and with my family history I'm in serious danger of leaving this plane far earlier than I intend to. 

My second grandchild was born last week. My first grandchild just celebrated his first birthday. My youngest child is only 15. 

I'm going to be here for them, for a very long time. I refuse to do anything else. So it's time to make some changes. Here we go!